Common Wedding Ceremony Questions

If you’re planning a wedding ceremony in New Zealand, chances are you’ve Googled at least one of these questions at 11pm while deep in wedding planning mode.

How long should the ceremony be?

Who walks down the aisle first?

Do we have to say vows?

Can our dog be a witness?

These are all things couples ask me regularly, so I thought I’d answer some of the most common wedding ceremony questions all in one place.

How long should a wedding ceremony be?

The short answer? However long you want it to be.

A “typical” personalised wedding ceremony is usually around 20 minutes long, but the length really depends on what you choose to include.

Things that can add time include:

• Personal vows

• Readings or poems

• Ring warming ceremony, handfasting, smoke ceremony

• Cultural or family rituals

• Special acknowledgements

• Music choices

As a rough guide:

• Legal-only ceremony: around 2–3 minutes

• Registry ceremony: around 5-6 minutes

• Simple ceremony: around 10-15 minutes

• Full personalised ceremony: around 20–25 minutes

I don’t personally think there’s such a thing as a ceremony being “too long”. What matters is that it feels meaningful to you. The best ceremonies are the ones that include the things the couple truly values, and leave out the things they don’t.

Who walks down the aisle first?

Traditionally, the processional order is often:

• Little ones (flower children/ring bearers)

• Wedding party

• One member of the couple

But there are NO rules!

One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that only one person gets an entrance. Both people absolutely can.

Some couples:

• each have their own entrance with their wedding party

• both walk in separately

• walk in together

• are accompanied by parents or chosen family

• skip a formal aisle entirely

And some of my favourite moments have completely broken tradition:

• Couple arriving together on a Lime scooter

• Flower Nanas

• Beer boys

• Both parents accompanying someone down the aisle

• Bridesmaids placing flowers on a memorial chair for someone dearly missed

Your ceremony should feel like you, not like you’re recreating a template from Pinterest.

Do you have to say vows?

Nope.

You absolutely can, and I LOVE personal vows, but you don’t have to!

More couples are choosing to do private vows before or after the ceremony, and I honestly think that’s beautiful too.

There’s no “right” way to do it.

Most of my couples who do personal vows write them privately and don’t share them with each other beforehand. I also offer keepsake vow cards and bring them along on the day, which helps remove one more thing for couples to think about.

I also give my couples a handy little guide called Writing Awesome Vows, which is designed to help them get started without feeling overwhelmed.

One thing I don’t do is write vows for couples. Your vows should sound like you, not like me. But if couples would like it, I’m always happy to do a “vibe check” beforehand to make sure they’re on roughly the same wavelength. It blows me away how often couples independently write vows that are incredibly similar. It says so much about how connected they are.

I believe that it genuinely does not matter if one person’s vows are longer than the other’s. If one of you is naturally more expressive and one of you is more concise, chances are your nearest and dearest already know that about you. That’s part of what makes your relationship yours.

And if the idea of saying vows in front of people makes you nervous, that’s totally normal. This is their moment to speak to one another. Let that bubble exist. Tears are absolutely welcome.

And if deciding who goes first is causing stress, we can absolutely settle it with:

• paper scissors rock

• a mystery shot (one vodka, one water!)

• or pure bravery

What legally has to be said in a New Zealand wedding ceremony?

Very little, actually.

New Zealand keeps things pretty simple. Legally:

• each person’s full name must be used at least once during the ceremony (even your middle name, and yes, even if you're not a fan of it, sorry!)

• and each person must say to the other:

“I, [name], take/choose you, [name], to be my husband/wife/spouse.”

That’s it.

A lot of people feel strange saying each other’s full names naturally, so I often incorporate that into the “I do” section if that feels more comfortable.

And despite what movies may have taught us, you do not legally need to say:

• “lawfully wedded”

• “for richer or poorer”

• “in sickness and in health”

• “honour and obey”

Unless you want to, of course.

How many witnesses do you need in NZ?

You need two witnesses for a legal wedding ceremony in Aotearoa.

And while there’s no official legal age requirement, I always say they should be:

“Old enough and sober enough to understand they’re signing a legal document.”

Your witnesses do not need to:

• be family

• know you well (or at all! Hello, random stranger on the beach!)

• be part of your wedding party

• be one person from 'each side'

They just need to witness:

• the legal wording

• the use of your full names

• and the signing of the paperwork

I’ve had some very fun witness moments over the years too:

• couples drawing witness names from a bowl during the ceremony

• guests “winning” witness duties in a competition beforehand

• surprise witness selections on the day

Can your dog be a witness in NZ?

Legally? No.

Emotionally? 100%

Your witnesses need to sign legal paperwork, so unfortunately your dog can’t officially be one. BUT your dog can absolutely still be included in your ceremony.

Some of my favourite dog moments have included:

• ring-bearing dogs

• Dogs of Honour

• paw prints on keepsake documents

• dogs sitting proudly between the couple during the ceremony

• dogs dramatically sprawling across dresses at exactly the wrong (right) moment

And I genuinely could not love it more. If having your dog involved in your wedding day is important to you, check out Pawsome Weddings, where we help couples include their dogs safely and stress-free on the day.

Final thoughts

One of the best things about modern weddings is that couples are increasingly choosing the parts that genuinely matter to them, rather than doing things simply because they feel expected to.

There are very few actual “rules”.

Your ceremony can be:

• short or long

• traditional or relaxed

• emotional or funny

• private or very public

• full of rituals or beautifully simple

The important thing is that it feels like the two of you.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does a wedding ceremony usually last?

Most personalised wedding ceremonies are around 20 minutes, but this depends entirely on what you choose to include.

Do you legally have to say vows in New Zealand?

No. There is specific legal wording required during a NZ wedding ceremony, but personal vows are optional.

Can we walk down the aisle together?

Absolutely! There are no rules around who walks down the aisle or whether you enter separately or together.

Do wedding vows have to be the same length?

Not at all. Your vows should sound like you, and it’s completely normal for one person to be more expressive than the other.

How many witnesses do you need for a NZ wedding?

You need two witnesses for a legal wedding ceremony in New Zealand.

Can children be witnesses at a wedding?

There is no official legal age requirement, but witnesses should be old enough to understand they are signing a legal document.

Can our dog be part of our wedding ceremony?

Absolutely. While dogs can’t legally be witnesses, they can still be included in all sorts of special ways during your ceremony.

What legally has to be said during a NZ wedding ceremony?

Each person must say the legal declaration using both full names, along with the required legal wording recognising each other as spouses.

Planning your own ceremony and have questions? Feel free to get in touch. I’m always happy to help couples navigate the legal bits, the meaningful bits, and everything in between.